My Teacher Body In the Classroom
          "We Are Strong Enough to Be Weak" 

In the picture on the left,  inside the classroom, I appear to be excited, I'm holding my hands close together, actually myself together, and somewhat confident. I think of myself as an established scholar in my field, Ethnic American Literature, and also of my identity as a great part of who I am as teacher. I think of myself as a mother, wife, and student too. 

The first thing the students notice in class is my attire, and maybe the way I speak. I can imagine that these students have never come into contact with anyone from the Middle East. Standing at the front of the classroom, as I face the students, I can not help but notice the amazed looks I first received upon entering the classroom. As I began to come to class regularly, students began to lower their guards and gathered the courage to ask me about some things they needed help with, or if something looks right. Although my mentor properly introduced me to the class, and acknowledged the active role I will be playing in class this semester, I felt that the students still had doubts about me, and what I could do to help them in class.

When it comes to what I wear, everyday I try to pick and chose colors that might go together, especially with the Hijab (head covering), I want to appear stylish and modest at the same time. When I shop online for Hijab attire, in specialized Hijabi websites, the things I find are either too long, too weird, or too expensive. That is why I stick to looking for shirt dresses in Target, TJMax, or H&M (now you know where I get all my clothes from!!!). The Hijab has always been part of my childhood, and over the years it grew on me. I can't think of myself going outside the house, and not having something to cover my head with. Although there was a part of my life, where I rebelled and chose not to wear it, as I grew up I felt that for the public eye, this is the Hayat I want everyone to know. I sometimes think of it as a uniform that I have to wear for people to know who I am. A lot of people might know right away that I am a Muslim, but when I tell them I'm doing my PhD in English Literature and specifically in Ethnic American studies, they appear surprised. I feel that it is at that moment that I have changed the way they think about women from the Middle East, especially women who still wear the Hijab. I have many Muslim friends that do not wear it, and I RESPECT them because it is their choice to make, and it is not for me to judge them. I love them, and they share with me a great part of my life. Sometimes I have hats that I wear whenever we go on vacation or when I'm doing something fun, or when going to a place where I don't want anyone to identify me as Muslim or Middle Eastern, because sometimes I do get bothered by people who have no clue who I am, and they can't see pass my Hijab and what it stands for to them ( oppression, backwardness, ignorance!!!!). 

The person I see in the picture is a young woman who has broken a lot of boundaries, and crossed oceans to get a great education and to share with the people she meets everywhere the rich cultural experience that she has been part of so far. I have been fascinated with my identity and how it shifted since I was ten. I grew up in England, where my dad did his PhD there. Then we went back to Saudi Arabia, and I experienced a great culture shock, feeling mostly alone among my own people. It is only when I began studying at King Saud University that I realized that WHO I AM MATTERS A LOT, especially if I were to become successful in my field. I had to make a decision and accept my hybrid identity, that I am a Saudi girl, who grew up in Britain, lived for a while in Saudi Arabia, and went off to the U.S. to study for a PhD. That is why I think that I can never teach without bringing some of my identity with me, whether it is through including material that educates students about my part of the world, or answering simple questions from students like "Do you have to wear the Hijab when you go to sleep?" (no we do not wear it when we sleep😛), or "Do you really pray FIVE times a day?" (Yes, we pray five times a day 🙏).              

Language has always been one of the great aspects of shaping my identity. The first language I learned is Arabic, then English, then German in High School. Believe it or not all my dreams and inner thoughts are in English, and it is only when I was getting my Bachelor degree that I noticed this. My inner consciousness speaks English! I have no control over the thoughts that are created in my head. I have realized how great a part English is as a Language I can use to express my identity. Therefore, after presenting on the Suresh Canagarajah “ESL Composition as Literate Art of the Contact Zone” chapter, I was inspired by his approach of code-meshing and encouraging students to bring their identity to class and not be afraid to use their accents and languages to express themselves.  

      

I came to accept that people are only true to themselves if they accept the humanity of their profiles and identity. That means that I want the students to see that I am not only their teacher, but I am a mother who cares for her children, a muslim who sometimes faces discrimination, and a scholar who wants to become successful at her field. I don't believe that the class is where everything is supposed to be perfect and where the teacher never feels tired or frustrated, or where the students never wonder off in their minds and think of what they want to do for the rest of their lives. I want my students to see that I am a human, just like them, because it is only when they see my weakness and my humanity that they will come to learn about the world beyond their classroom, and I hope that is what I am preparing them for, the real world and how to empathize with other humans and to see similarities more than differences with the people we know outside the classroom. Diane Freeman and Martha Holmes state that "the best learning situations [...] were those in which teacher and student acknowledged and approved of one another's bodies and minds" (2). I think that students will not be fully engage if they think of a teacher as a talking body, without an identity.It is exactly when the "students think that the teacher's body is clearly marked by ethnicity, race, disability, size, gender, sexuality, illness, age, pregnancy, class, linguistic and geographic origins, or some combination of these, both the mode and the content of education can change" ( Freeman & Holmes 7).In her essay "A Vessel of Possibilities," Kimberly Wallace Sanders, reflecting on how bell hooks failed to remember her teacher's body, stated that "the academy largely insists on the body's erasure because the body is the undeniable reminder of our private selves" (188). If it is anything that these scholars are encouraging us to do, then it is to bring in our bodies to the class, and not be afraid to show our humanity. 


Before I go...please watch the following video: 

Concerning the teacher's body, I think that it is important for students to recognize our bodies. The following video shows how vulnerability is important for any kind of relationship. Most of our lives we spend many moments trying to hide our vulnerability as teachers. However, as the video highlights, the revelation of weakness is the only possible root to connection and respect. These revelations humanize us in others eyes. Please watch this video, as it was so enlightening to me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJsJ96yyVk8  

 

Works Cited 

Freedman, Diane P, and Holmes M. Stoddard. The Teacher's Body: Embodiment, Authority, and Identity in the Academy. Albany, NY: State University of New York Press, 2003. 

Images Respectively: 
Riyadh Metro 
http://www.newnownext.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/zaha-hadid.jpg?width=595&height=343

Riyadh Capital:
https://imgur.com/1h9PYg8 
Hijab Hat:
http://www.bluelanshome.com/images/17/08/v/22939/10.jpg